I fell in yoga class. Which means I fall in life.

I fell in yoga class the other day. Not in a small losing my balance way, but in a full on fall to my side and rolling onto the mat of the woman next to me way. The class was holding a reversed lunge, and just a few seconds into the pose, I lost footing. I remember thinking that I should steady myself and work at locating the elusive mūlabandha when I completely lost balance. I tipped onto my side and rolled onto my back as though I was in a fire drill. I was mortified. I judged myself. I wanted to crawl to the door and run, not walk, to my car. Instead, I laughed a little and muttered a little apology to my fellow yogi before returning to my mat.

Self-judgment can come up so quickly, and this experience was no exception. I kicked myself in a mental way several times before realizing how funny and human this was. Just another moment in time when I could fall and recognize that falling is just a part of life. In fact, I fall all the time in small and not so small ways; mentally, spiritually, and, obviously, physically. Maybe I’m not better for it, but I’m more uniquely me for it. And I love myself anyway. Because yoga to me isn’t about striving for physical perfection, it’s about seeing the imperfection as a part of me and loving it. Loving me. Becoming more whole. Being authentic. As Brené Brown says, “Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.”

 I’m awkward and shy, silly, irreverent and a wacky mix of girly and tomboy. Sometimes I feel as though my heart is going to burst with love for the world, and at other times, I lose my temper and say or do something I instantly regret. I’m human and I have so much room for growth. And I’m mostly open to learning and growing, which is about all I can offer.

 So, to the woman in yoga class who had a complete stranger roll onto your mat, and who ignored that stranger when she attempted a tongue-tied apology after class: thank you. I honor your role as teacher.

3 thoughts on “I fell in yoga class. Which means I fall in life.

  1. What a journey these 35 posts are taking me on! Another reminder why you should face up to everything straight up…I love your words and am gaining so much from my 35 steps to an empty rss feed read :).

    • Fran- you’re so GREAT! I feel so honored that you’re going backwards through my blog to read my wacky tales of yoga/cancer/life/nonsense. It’s something I haven’t even done myself (although I did write them, of course, and live the life that led to the writing….so perhaps unnecessary). Thank you so much for your words- I love your zeal and your ability to so quickly put into words what you experience in reading a post. I always have to ponder for a while to gain any sort of clarity. You’re amazing!!!

      • the only “amazing” thing about my comments is that I got up at 5am to make them ;). I am honoured to share your journey and fully intend on commenting on every single post because each one of them gives me an opportunity to think “what if…” and to ponder my own mortality and what “I” would do in that situation. Thank YOU for sharing what was and is a most courageous journey to wellness.

dialogue is good- yes? comment here.

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